All in the Family EW!
by storymom
Summary: Seth explains to Ryan how Julie and Caleb's marriage "relates" to all of them. One chapter, short and to the point - well, Seth's point. Still own nothing to do with the OC!


Once they got back to the pool house, Seth looked over at Ryan. Man, he thought getting a new brother back in August was different, especially getting a 16-year-old so-called juvenile delinquent as said brother. But after getting back from the wedding of Julie Cooper to Caleb Nichol, Seth realized his new brother was nothing compared to the relatives he now had.  
  
As Ryan changed his clothes, Seth started to explain to him how they were all related now.  
  
"Ok, dude," he said, "Do you realize what all of this means, now that they're really married. They've forever infused the Cohen and Cooper clans into one great big incestuous family."  
  
"Seth, what are you talking about?" Ryan asked, "and make it quick. I promised Marissa I'd pick her up soon."  
  
Seth snorted and told him, "You mean Aunt Marissa."  
  
When Ryan only stared at Seth, with one of his looks, Seth continued,  
  
"Think about it, man. Her mother just married your foster grandfather. That makes your girlfriend your foster step-aunt, since she's now your foster mother's new step sister."  
  
Ryan just shook his head and told him,  
  
"That's just sick, man."  
  
But Seth was now on a roll,  
  
"You know what's even more sick?" He asked, not expecting Ryan to really answer,  
  
"What happens if Jimmy Cooper marries Aunt Hailey? Think about it. Hailey is now Marissa's stepsister, and if she and Jimmy hook up, that would make Marissa's dad her brother-in-law. And if you and Marissa get married some day, then your uncle will become your father-in-law. And what about poor Caitlin? She now has two nephews who are years older then her, and one of those nephews is dating her sister. And if you do end up marrying Aunt Marissa some day, then Aunt Caitlin will also be your sister-in-law."  
  
"And of course, Marissa is also Mom's new stepsister and Dad's sister-in- law," Seth continued, "and your marriage to Marissa would make Mom's stepsister her daughter-in-law. And then if you had kids. Let's see. That would make Grandpa the great grandfather to his own grandkids, since they would be the children of his foster grandson and his stepdaughter. The kids would also be Mom and Dad's grandkids, as well as their, um. Wait. Ok, they'd be the grandkids because of you, but they'd also be the nieces and nephews because of Marissa. And you being my brother would make your kids my nieces and nephews as well, but Marissa being my aunt would also make them my cousins. Or would they be...."  
  
"Sick." Ryan interrupted.  
  
"Why would your kids be sick?" Seth asked him.  
  
Ryan again shook his head and told Seth,  
  
"Not them. You. You're sick. That's just. You're just. Weird."  
  
"What ever, dude." Seth snickered, "But at least I'm not the one dating my aunt."  
  
Ryan shot back, "She's not my aunt."  
  
"Legally, yes she is." Seth laughed, "Mom and Dad are your foster parents. Legally. Grandma Julie and Grandpa Caleb are married. Legally. So legally, your girlfriend is now your aunt."  
  
"But she was my girlfriend first." Ryan tried to explain, "And we're not related by blood, or anything like that. Just weird, sick, twisted legal stuff."  
  
Seth was really starting to enjoy the whole situation a little too much. It was in deed very weird, very strange and very much to the amusement of Seth.  
  
"Speaking of weird, sick and twisted," he continued to Ryan, "Let us think about Jimmy Cooper again. He was Mom's boyfriend first and then Julie's husband and now Aunt Hailey's boyfriend, and if they get married, not only is he your uncle and possible future father-in-law, he'd also be Mom's new brother-in-law. And better yet, that would make Julie's ex-husband her new son-in-law, and if they had kids, Julie would be the grandmother of her ex- husband's children, and Marissa would be their half sister as well as their aunt."  
  
That was it. That was all Ryan wanted to hear.  
  
"Ok, you know what?" Ryan said, "That's enough. I really don't need to know any more. I am late for my date with my girlfriend. Not my aunt, or my foster mother's stepsister or whatever else you think Marissa is. A date with my girlfriend."  
  
"Damn," Ryan continued as he headed for the door, "And I thought living in Chino was messed up. At least in Chino I never dated anyone who could possibly, maybe be related to me because of some sick twisted marriage."  
  
Seth just laughed, again,  
  
"I thought that was because no one in Chino ever got married!"  
  
"And you wonder why?" Ryan joked back, "Because this. Is messed up."  
  
"Yeah," Seth started again, "Well, just think about how messed up it would be if Grandpa Caleb and Grandma Julie had kids. Let's see. They would be....."  
  
That idea was not something Ryan was willing to think about, let alone discuss. Julie and Caleb having kids together? They already made a movie about such a child. They called it Damien.  
  
"You know what," Ryan told him, "Why don't you go explain it all to Summer? I'm sure she'd love to hear all about this."  
  
"Ah, yes Summer. The only one not related to any of us." Seth said, "Which makes my relationship with Summer the only normal one in this whole tangled web."  
  
It was Ryan's turn to snort,  
  
"Normal? You're normal? Alright. That's definitely it. I'm out of here."  
  
As Ryan turned to leave, Seth shouted out to him,  
  
"Yeah. See ya. Give my best to Aunt Marissa."  
  
Ryan just shot Seth one of his looks as he walked out the door, mumbling to himself,  
  
"Seth's normal, and I'm dating my aunt. Messed up. Definitely messed up."  
  
But then he laughed,  
  
"I guess this is how they REALLY do it in the OC, bitch." 


End file.
